ST. LOUIS, MO – Due to a massive increase in underground tourism, Missouri has made it compulsory for all residents to complete the Certified Cavern Exploration Leader (CCEL) program. The state’s vast network of caves is now being repurposed as luxury hotels, wellness centers, and climate-controlled data storage facilities.
This transformation has generated thousands of jobs in the Subterranean Hospitality sector. Highly sought-after positions include:
- Stalactite Maintenance Engineer: Responsible for polishing and securing mineral formations.
- Underground Echo Technician: Optimizing acoustics for cave concerts and conferences.
- Blind Salamander Wellness Coach: Caring for the unique cave ecosystems.
The state government claims this initiative will make Missouri the “Sub-surface Tourism Capital” of the world. All new hires receive a complimentary headlamp and a map to a hidden barbeque joint.