NASHVILLE, TN – Music City’s songwriting industry has a new, mandatory requirement: every major recording session must now include a Certified Aura Harmonizer (CAH). This is due to a new state study linking poor song quality to “unbalanced energetic fields” in the studio.
The CAH specialist uses custom-built, crystal-embedded tuning forks and specially curated essential oil diffusers to ensure the “creative vibration” of the recording space is pitch-perfect. Thousands of new roles are opening up immediately, including:
- Lyric Empathy Reader: Using non-traditional metrics to gauge a song’s emotional honesty.
- Vibrational Sound Engineer: Adjusting frequencies to match the artist’s mood.
- Mandolin Chakra Alignment Expert: Focusing specifically on bluegrass instrumentalists.
The Grand Ole Academy of Harmony is the only place offering the required 6-week certification course. Graduates are guaranteed high salaries and a steady supply of good luck charms.