PHOENIX, AZ – Arizona’s iconic Saguaro cacti are facing a new threat: existential loneliness. State biologists have determined that the ancient, slow-growing plants require regular psychological and emotional support to ensure longevity and prevent “desert despair.”
This has created a massive, immediate demand for certified Saguaro Cactus Whisperers (SCWs). These specialists are trained in non-verbal plant communication and vibrational tuning, leading to thousands of unique roles:
- Sun-Dial Mood Reader: Interpreting the shadow patterns of the cactus arms to diagnose emotional health.
- Micro-Humidity Therapist: Applying targeted, scented mists to boost plant morale.
- Desert Drone Musician: Operating tiny drones that play soft, soothing folk music for the cacti.
The Tucson Institute of Botanical Empathy offers the only recognized SCW degree. Graduates earn high salaries and get to spend their days in the beautiful desert, fostering cross-species mental health. Arizona aims to be the most emotionally supportive ecosystem in the Southwest.